I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
