So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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