dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
