I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
