She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
