mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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