We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
