Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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