Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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