i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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