In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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