Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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