he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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