he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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