How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
