if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
