This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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