she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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