I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
