we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
