Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
only you would photoshop your dick
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
