I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
