dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
