Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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