We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
