i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
