I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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