Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
