I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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