Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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