She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
