you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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