I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
