there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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