i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
