When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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