it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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