he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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