you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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