does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
