i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
