i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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