Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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