Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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