i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm always down for nudity.
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