Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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