o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
