I think i peed on brittanys purse
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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