My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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