I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize