I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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