I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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