Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
