I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
