I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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