Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
