I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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