this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
