I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
