is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
