only you would photoshop your dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
