I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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