Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
