WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
