so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
home. puking in laundry basket.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
