after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
