please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
