I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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