I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
